In the middle of class, the teacher asked Pepito: “Pepito, could you tell us something about the history of painting in the West?”
“Of course, Miss! Let’s see, painting in the West has always had an illusory nature, in other words, it was a complete ILLUSION.
It attempted to put a four-dimensional reality into two dimensions. Although it sounds impossible, over time European artists (because it must be said that this type of painting was a European invention) managed to create a sense of three-dimensionality: major deceit according to some (an optical illusion or something like that). In order to achieve this, they used an EMULSION made from oils, resins, and paint thinners that they mixed with ground pigments mixed, in turn, with a binding agent (more oil). This invention allowed them to achieve effects like sfumato, layers, and impasto. There was always a great ALLUSION to themes or motifs: painting was exclusively representative. And this is how they came to specialize in naked women (Titian), old guys on horseback (Velázquez), baskets of flowers or fruits (the Dutch), and all kinds of landscapes (Turner). At the same time painting was a major DELUSION, a kind of portrait of Dorian Grey in which, through perfection and the wonders of optical trickery, they had a sense of moral and spiritual superiority that allowed them to go out and massacre and conquer people in other parts of the world and impose their languages and customs on them, including oil painting…”
“Good Lord!” the teacher interrupted, “What nonsense, Pepito, pray God no critic hears you. Holy Mother of God!” And so saying, she hastily changed the subject.
